Forgiving When It Still Hurts: Choosing Freedom Over Bitterness

Introduction:  When Forgiveness Feels Impossible

Let’s be honest–some wounds cut so deep that forgiveness feels like betrayal.  How do you forgive someone who never apologized?  How do you let go when the pain still lingers?  If you’ve ever wrestled with the idea of forgiveness while still nursing a broken heart, you are not alone.  The Bible never says forgiveness will be easy–but it does tell us it’s necessary.

Forgiveness is not about pretending the offense didn’t hurt or minimizing what happened.  It’s about choosing to break the cycle of pain and release yourself from the prison of bitterness.  And the truth is, it often starts before your emotions catch up.

Jesus Forgave Us–And Calls Us to Do the Same

As Believers, our standard for forgiveness is Jesus.  He extended mercy to us when he didn’t deserve it.  And He commands us to do the same for others:

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” –Ephesians 4:32 (NIV)

“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” –Matthew 6:14-15 (NIV)

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” –Colossians 3:13 (NIV)

Forgivness isn’t optional–it’s a command.  But God also gives us the grace to walk it out.

Start with a Decision, Not a Feeling

One of the greatest misconceptions about forgiveness is that we must feel ready to do it.  But forgiveness begins with a decision, not an emotion.  It’s choosing obedience to God even when your heart is still hurting.

You might say, “But I’m still angry.”  That’s okay.  Decide to forgive anyway.  Feelings follow actions, not the other way around.

Understand That Forgiveness is Often a Process

Forgiveness doesn’t always happen in a single moment.  Depending on the depth of the wound, it may take time.  The enemy will try to bring back old memories and reopen the wound–but each time you feel that pain, reaffirm your decision to forgive.

You may have to say daily, “Lord, I choose to forgive.  Help me release this person.”  God honors that prayer.

Practical Steps to Forgive, Release, and Let Go

Pray for God’s Help                                                                                                          Ask the Holy Spirit to help you see the person through God’s eyes.  Pray for the strength to forgive and heal.   “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” –Psalm 51:10